Boy spends more time talking with girl. Both appear quite interested. Elise is oh-so-proud of herself because she’s the one who introduced them to each other.
I have personally never been a successful matchmaker (the above mentioned couple is no exception, I’m sorry to say). Have you ever tried to set up two friends?
One thing that almost always happens for me is that I get overly excited by imagining me and my husband going on double dates with this couple…when the aforementioned duo hasn’t even had their first date…sometimes I go so far as to imagine a future wedding. (Ladies, let’s be honest, we do this for our own personal crushes as WELL as the potential crushes of our friends).
Everything seemed to be going so well. She talked to me about him, he talked to me about her. I thought that things were bound to happen. Sure, there were some logistical challenges with different schools they attended and such, but I was optimistic.
Well, I was more than optimistic, I was full of whimsical dreams that I would take all the credit for this budding romance.
But it didn’t happen. I can blame it on people not making their feelings more apparent, on cowardice, on exhaustion and disillusionment from previous relationships, but none of that matters. I saw the writing on the wall–the interest had waned, the attentions of both had shifted, and whatever I’d seen on the evening they met had evaporated.
I don’t know if this is true, but of the three people involved (the two friends and me), I may have been the one most let down. Again, that may not be the truth of it, but it does force me to wonder…do I have any right to be upset at all? Is my frustration (and occasional outburst of rage that the guy friend, to put it plainly, was overlooking one of the best ladies on the face of the earth) completely misplaced?
Did I let myself get too emotionally involved in a relationship that I wasn’t even a part of? Bam. There’s the punch, right in the stomach.
I’m learning more and more what it means to talk to someone directly rather than talk about someone. I can’t be satisfied letting him talk to me about her and then relaying it to her. I can’t allow her to tell me all the things that she thinks are fabulous about him and then sit there wondering and hoping that the stars will line up.
I can’t set people up and then hate them when they don’t agree with my choice for them. It’s not fair to anyone–including myself.
What am I learning? To seriously keep myself out of the loop as much as possible.
If he adores her and starts telling me, I should cut him short and tell him to preach it to far better ears than mine. If she thinks he’s wonderful, I should encourage her to make that clear in her conversation and emails.
And vice versa, if things are not going well, I shouldn’t let my friends involve a third person until they’ve thought or prayed on their own about it.
All of us seek counsel from others, thinking it will help things, but we don’t realize that when we talk to them, we rope them into our drama. Maybe, if I’m going to try to set two friends up, I should stay long enough for them to shake hands, and then run the other direction.
It will at least save me from vicarious heartache if they part ways, and I will have plenty enough time to celebrate if they do get together and maybe even get married. (Heck, I’d expect to be IN the wedding if that happened! I can hope right?)
So, that is my lesson in meddling. I tried extremely hard not to “meddle” this most recent time, but I’m realizing just how tricky that sort of thing is to maintain. And of course, I will gladly accept these minor wounds of love for my friends. I would never have been so excited for the match (even though it failed) if I hadn’t thought they were both so incredibly awesome to begin with.
Here’s a toast to awesome people, awesome people getting together, and the rest of us staying out of the middle!
The first post will be written by yours truly, followed with a scintillating line-up of writers, dreamers, artists, and awesome human beings who are exploring the shape of their life’s experience. Stay tuned for more details! (And if you want a hint for the focus of the series, start humming the song “For Good” from the WICKED Musical Soundtrack)