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Last time, on the blog, I talked about my (very ingrained) habit of working hard and fast (and too much) and always staying busy. I’m continuing the thoughts here.

I have a lot of passions.

Last fall, I knew I wanted to work with and help the unhoused community in Seattle. I wanted to sing in an all women’s choir that a friend of mine was directing. I wanted to help my son navigate the mental health system so our whole family could better support him and the unique way his brain works. I wanted to support my husband in building an office/shed in our yard to get him a better space for his at-home workdays and free up a bedroom for when our kids stop sharing one.

But all those things together? Let’s just say the person I was at the end of Fall 2023 was not a version of myself that I want to repeat.

The cure for an over-loaded plate isn’t to just work harder.

That means I’ll have to let good opportunities pass me by if I’m going to be present and whole for the commitments that I know I cannot abandon. And that means…I will probably have to disappoint some people.

This may be what’s kept me overworked for so long. I am terrified of disappointing people. Of reneging on a commitment. Of saying yes and then (the shame!) of changing my mind and saying that I just can’t do what I thought I could do.

Of course, it’s better to just not say “yes” in the first place, if possible. Then there are fewer disappointments. A missed chance, perhaps, but also a choice that opens a wider space for my soul’s health and vitality.

Because I don’t thrive when I’m overworked, no matter how much I think I enjoy it.

I don’t remember where I heard it, but someone once said (maybe in church) that God’s voice is not a voice that rushes and urges and promises quick fixes. The voice of God is gentle – a still, small, voice – and it does not demand a lightning-fast response.

Growth is slow, like a flower sprouting from a little brown seed into a sturdy stalk with a breathtaking bloom as the finale.

It might even require me to wait (did I mention that impatience is something I’ve struggled with for my entire life?) in quiet darkness for a long time before I have any idea what my next steps should be.

I want to learn to go slow this year.

Or at least to learn how to wait and listen. To not make all my decisions out of impulse or from the fear that I’ll miss out on something good if I don’t say “yes.”

And I feel like I’ve cultivated the life habit of staying busy and productive to such a point that my body is addicted to the feeling. Most days, I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not making noticeable progress on whatever task there is to do.

I’m admittedly at the beginning of this journey.

I am praying that God will reshape my mind so that I can believe that I’m enough, that I’ve done enough, that I will come to acknowledge from deep down that I don’t have to be constantly in motion to be worthy and worthwhile.

I want to live this year learning how to find the pace of slow motion.

How about you?

P.S. I want to know what you like hearing from me. Will you take one minute and send me a single sentence listing what you like or would like to see on these blog posts? (Or just reply to this blog post in a comment.)